Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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