so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
