I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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