i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
