At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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