You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Your dad touched me again.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
