Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize