Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
