Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize