woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
