You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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