If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
