I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
