i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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