My Higher Power is John Stamos
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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