Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
