I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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