I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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