look no pants
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
