You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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