listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
