Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
