i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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