I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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