so that wasnt chicken after all
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
