She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
