i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
