either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
