it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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