I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
