Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
