Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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