Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
