The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize