I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Randomize
