We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
