Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
