I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
