Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
