I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
