i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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