i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
