Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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