She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
she smelled like a LAN party
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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