im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
