I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
