If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
