i would punch a child for taco bell
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
