we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
