I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
