So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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