He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
