Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
