Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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