seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
this just has baby written all over it
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
