Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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