you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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