just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
