Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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