i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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