1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
