eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
two words: eviction party
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
