his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
