i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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