Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
