just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
