thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize