you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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