the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
