At least make sure they are 18
Why
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
